


The maps of our bodies

by NarniaAtHogwarts



Category: Chronicles of Narnia (Movies), Chronicles of Narnia - C. S. Lewis
Genre: Brotherly Affection, Bullying, Claustrophobia, F/M, M/M, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Poor Edmund, Post-Prince Caspian, Post-The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe, Post-Voyage of the Dawn Treader, Post-War, Pre-The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe, Scars, Separation Anxiety, Susan Pevensie Never Forgot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-02
Updated: 2018-07-27
Packaged: 2019-05-17 00:32:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14821836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NarniaAtHogwarts/pseuds/NarniaAtHogwarts
Summary: I'm Edmund Pevensie. And it's time for you to know my story.Maybe now you'll understand my map, you'll understand the paths I've taken.





	1. Now we're back to the beginning

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: All rights go to C.S.Lewis 
> 
> Ages:  
> Peter - 19  
> Susan - 18  
> Edmund - 16  
> Lucy - 14
> 
> I always feel they should have been older, that's what I like about the movies. Of course the books are still better in many ways. 
> 
> In this Susan hasn't forgotten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter presented an idea to the professor. Both agreed they needed to tell the tale. So they called Helen Pevensie and Alberta Scrubb, both agreeing to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: All rights go to C.S.Lewis 
> 
> Ages:  
> Peter = 19  
> Susan = 18  
> Edmund = 16  
> Lucy = 14
> 
> Post Dawn Treader 
> 
> Susan never forgets. 
> 
> The professor's cottage was renervated, he has three more bedrooms and now owns a log cabin only five minutes away, the cabin was is given the Pevensie siblings in his will. But they don't know that, and he isn't dead.

_Thoughts_

**Flashbacks**

 

"You got my letter" 

Sat inside a small study, the four teens stared at Professor Digory Kirke. 

"We wouldn't be here if we hadn't" Susan answered the statement gently, from her trip to America she looked more elegant and ladylike, yet her eyes glinted with the passion and familiar steel from the long reign as Queen.

"Indeed. What do you think of my plan?" 

He looked rather eager. Peter looked torn between amusement at his mentor and concern for the task. 

"I would, but we all know they wouldn't believe myself or Eustace, just dismiss it as playing around" 

Lucy sighed sadly, she still looked every bit of the Valiant Queen she was. 

"And if I said anything, I'm pretty sure Mother and Father would see it as my way of getting out of being a Lady, they would see it as me making things up as a coping mechanism for the stress of looking for a suitor" 

Susan looked dejected and disgruntled. Peter nodded in agreement. 

"Of course if I tried they would think the stress of the exam is getting to me" 

Peter looked frustrated, blue eyes filled with annoyance and remorse. 

Edmund sighed, running a hand through his hair, realisation on his face. 

"I'm gonna do it" he muttered, all eyes turned to him. 

"Ed if there was any other way-" 

Peter started only to be cut off. 

"I know. Just....just let me tell it my way, please?" 

Digory smiled softly. "Of course Edmund, I'm sure there's more to your story than meets they eye, Aslan knew that when he redeemed you" 

Susan raised an eyebrow, Peter's eyes narrowed and Lucy's expression morphed into one of confusion. 

Edmund's face went blank, body stiffening, jaw clenching. 

"I believe young Eustace is entertaining your family in the living room, I think waiting until tomorrow to start would be best" 

The four nodded, standing and heading out with Digory following. Entering the living room, Eustace Clarence Scrubb was conversing happily with Helen Pevensie. Jackson Pevensie was sat awkwardly with Alberta and Harold Scrubb. All eyes turned to them as they walked in. 

"What's going on?" 

Jackson, also known as Dad of Father, asked, once dark hair greying, body muscular, an ugly scar where one ear used to be. 

"It doesn't matter, don't worry. You're going to be staying awhile, and as there isn't much room in the cottage, so Edmund, Eustace, Lucy, Susan and dad will take residence in the log cabin, myself, Mum, Aunt Alberta and Uncle Harold will take the rooms over here." 

Peter repeated what he'd been told by Digory. 

"Log Cabin?" 

Was chorused around the room. Peter grinned. 

"Follow me" 

Stepping down the steps and into the garden, Peter led them threw the garden gate at the back into a small grassy lane surrounded by trees. Looking down one way, was a dead end. Turning down the other, was another gate. Opening the gate they stepped into a field, owned by the Professor.

It was just turning Winter, the leaves fallen, the grass was long and the sun was setting. 

In the middle of the field, a majestic Log Cabin sat, glass windows glinting in the sunlight, the wood seemingly glowing with a homely feel. 

Entering they were met with some brown leather sofas, soft and comfy, an open fire warming the cabin, a long wooden table and large glass doors leading onto decking.

The small kitchen had the necessities needed whilst still looking comforting. Up the spiral staircase, rooms darting off.

Their father took the master bedroom without question. A magnificent room of dark wood, a large king-sized bed with intriguing designs and a beautiful view of the small village.

Susan turned to another bedroom, more open and spacious. Purple fitting in surprisingly well with the reddish wood. The furniture radiated gentle, yet politely posh.

Eustace found a cabin-like room, reminding him the Dawn Treader. A small bed and cosy room yet it fit perfectly, as he hung a single photo on the wall. A painting. The way he first entered Narnia, the sun shining on the boat.

Lucy found a bedroom, with a soft, white bed and flower designs painted delicately over the walls. And yet whilst it was sweet, pretty, it held an edge, with the moon soon to be directed through the window.

And Edmund found the last bedroom. One that he was glad to have. At the very top, in the attic was a small bedroom with twin beds, a small table and lamp between them and a strange carpet on the floor with a small window overlooking the forest behind them.

Peter headed back to the cottage with a smile. Soon most residents were asleep, in both the cottage and the cabin.


	2. Beginning with the past

Edmund's POV. 

It felt as though as soon as my eyes closed, they were opening again, as my alarm (also know as Lucy) rapped on the door. 

Glancing at the clock, I winced. Three hours sleep. 

_Damm. Let's hope nobody notices, though I'm pretty sure they haven't noticed the bags under my eyes, thank Aslan._

Getting dressed, I slid into the bathroom, it was small, there was three bathrooms in total, one by my room, one between Lucy and Eustace rooms and one between Susan's and Fathers rooms. I brushed my teeth before running a comb through my dark locks, trying to make them neater. I had pulled on my black jeans, thick white socks, grey t-shirt, dark hoodie and black beanie on my head, the only hat I wore. It was comfy, kept me warm, feeling almost safe in it.

The smell of bacon reached my nose. Dad was cooking breakfast. Heading downstairs, I met Susan half way. It seems she decided she really wanted to wear make up. Pity it's raining. 

"How do you plan to start?" Su asked softly. I glanced up into her matching brown eyes with a sigh.

"I figured I'd start at the beginning, the real beginning. So I can explain why I did what I did" 

She squeezed my hand, we reached the bottom and she parted into the kitchen to help Dad cook. 

"It's rude to wear a hat indoors" Father commented irritated as I collapsed onto one of the sofas, sinking in, relaxing. 

"Taking your hat off inside is meant to be a sign of trust and respect, originating from Men tipping their hats to Lady's as they went indoors" 

Eustace grinned sheepishly, finishing the sentence that spouted from his mouth as the front door opened. The Professor, Digory, walked in followed by mum, Pete, Alberta and Harold. Mum and Dad don't sleep together, never have after the war. And War changes people. 

Peter dropped down next to me with a childish grin and went to take the beanie from my head. My hand shot up and caught his wrist tightly, giving him a death glare. He winced and held his other hand up in surrender. I released with a warning glance.

"Eustace Clarence what are you reading!"

Alberta exclaimed. Eustace jumped in the armchair, the large book almost falling to the floor. 

"It's a rather interesting book about travel." 

Alberta sighed in relief and turned away, looking for food. Eustace winked and mouthed "Time Travel" towards us. Lucy giggled. 

"It would be too crowded in the cottage, this has more room, so Digory decided to tell it in here" Peter whispered in my ear, blonde hair brushed neat, face as handsome as ever, blue eyes full of concern and dread. 

Before I could reply dad came out with the bacon and eggs. I hid a grimace. I blame nerves on my loss of appetite. That or dads cooking. Forcing a spoonful of egg in my mouth I glanced around. 

Peter was sprawled, taking up the rest of the sofa. Digory, Eustace, Harold and Dad all sat in armchairs. Mum, Lucy and Susan took up one sofa and Alberta was sat on a posh, uncomfortable looking chair she brought from home. 

I guess this is where I begin. 

"So,"

Clearing my throat I began. 

"You're probably wondering why we've come here, right?" 

I restrained from eye rolling, hearing my fathers muttered comment of interrupting Peter's study. 

"We've decided it's time to tell you. Tell you the secret we've been hiding for years" 

Everyone seemed to pause. 

Mum gave me an encouraging smile.

"The secret of Narnia" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry these chapters are so short, I needed to get this down. They shall become longer now.


	3. Narnia

"What's Narnia?"

Mum was sat forwards, looking interested. That's what I love about mum, she's always willing to give things a chance. Unlike father who's got a very narrow mind. 

"Narnia is somewhere beautiful, somewhere to call home. Somewhere safe yet dangerous, mysterious yet full of life. Holding millions of secrets within the deep magic that created it." 

My voice stayed soft, the words tumbling from my lips, Lucy always said I had a way with words, especially with trades and deals in Narnia. 

Father and Uncle Harold looked completely unconvinced. Aunt Alberta's eyes never strayed from her son as his eyes lit up at the mention of Narnia. 

 

"Okay, Father, Uncle Harold, do you believe in God?" 

 

My eyes bore into theirs. 

 

“Of course"

"Yes"

I smirked. 

 

“You believe in God. You've never seen him, only heard of him, stories from the bible. You've never talked to him and yet you always believe in him. What's so different with Narnia? We've seen it, we've talked to the people and have our own tales to tell, we always try so hard to keep our faith alive, even in our darkest hours. If you can believe in God, you can believe anything, you just need to open your minds and accept the truth, you need to trust us."

 

Peter squeezed my shoulder, my siblings and Eustace beaming. It was the first time in the months since my last trip that I'd channeled my true self, as the Just King.

 

Mum now looked curious, eyes sparkling with interest and pleasantly surprised excitement.

 

Aunt Alberta and Uncle Harold looked thoughtful, like they had actually listened to me. Father tried to wipe his face of emotions. Tried. I mastered hiding my emotions when I was 11. General Orieus taught me. I also mastered reading people when I was 11. My fathers face was like a hardback book, he was sceptical, of course.With the eyes of a soldier.

 

"Hear us out, please?"

 

Lucy asked quietly, eyes bright and hopeful. I saw fathers eyes soften and mask crumble with ease as he stared at Lu's puppy dog eyes.

 

"Fine"

 

He reluctantly agreed. Digory grinned and nodded to me to continue.

 

"It all started on a rainy day. I was being a spiteful brat, finding everything I could to complain about-"

 

My father interrupted.

 

"You were uncomfortable?"

 

I stiffened automatically before forcing my muscles to relax.

 

"Whenever you were uncomfortable or nervous, you would complain about anything and everything, either to distract yourself or try and hide how you felt"

 

Mum explained, father nodding in agreement. I ignored the looks sent my way and continued.

 

"We began to play hide and seek. After taking Lucy's hiding place she disappeared up to the attic."

 

Peter sat forward frowning.

 

"Stop. Tell how you remember, not the story that was told to Mr Tumnus and the Beavers"

 

He jumped in before I could continue, commanding in his High King voice.

 

"You said I could tell it how I wanted"

 

I snapped, shifting in my seat.

 

"Not if your going to downgrade yourself!"

 

We glared at each other for minutes, a silence falling and atmosphere cooling. Then I relented, sighing and slumping.

The only people I could never lie to; my siblings.

 

"Fine, that day I was uncomfortable, because something didn't feel right. Maybe I was just missing home - I don’t know. So I complained and I was mean like usual-No Peter don't interrupt- we started to play hide and seek. I found a spot just as Lu did, I forced her to find a different one, she ran off upstairs.

She was gone for maybe a minute at the most then came running back with yells of fauns and tea."

 

I sighed again.

 

"I might have had a tiny jealousy problem."

 

Susan got a knowing look in her eye. Lucy looked confused. Eustace shot me an empathetic smile, understanding crossing his face.

 

“Explain” Peter commanded frowning.

 

“Think about it from my perspective Pete, Lu was making up stories of fauns and worlds in wardrobes, if that really had been an imaginary game you would have played it with her. If I had said it, you would have told me to grow up.”

 

“Ed...” Peter started, a mixture of emotions crossing face, guilt mingled in.

 

“You never believed me Pete. Not once.”

 

He fell silent, dread and horror slowly making its way onto his face.

 

“The teachers said I was always getting into fights; I told you that wasn’t true. You wouldn’t even give me the chance to explain. You just told me Dad would be disappointed.....”

 

I gazed at the floor, hands curling into fists, missing the horrified expression on my siblings faces.

 

"Anyway, enough of that. Lu do you want to tell them about Mr Tumnus?"

 

Lucy's face lit up at my suggestion, and she began a long and detailed version of her first and second visits to Narnia. Pete and Su continued to stare at me . I shifted uncomfortably in my seat.

 

Mum, Eustace, Digory and even Aunt Alberta were listening with full attention.

Uncle Harold looked almost bored. 

Dad had a strange look on his face.

 

"....And then I saw Edmund"

 

All eyes turned to me once more.

I winced.

 

"Yeah I followed Lucy in."

 

My jaw tightened, my eyebrow twitched, the only emotions I gave away.

 

"I followed Lucy in, that was the first time I met Her. And something I deeply regret doing"

 

My siblings sat forwards, I'd never told them our conversation, not properly.

 

"I was looking for Lucy when a sleigh pulled up, pulled by reindeers and driven by a dwarf-yes I said dwarf- the occupant of the sleigh was the 'queen' of Narnia. J-Jadis.”

 

I shut my eyes, mind travelling back to our first meeting. The back of my legs twinged.

 

“At first she was scary, intimidating, so I was rude. I got punishment for that. Then she changed tactics, she became....motherly”

 

I shook my head gritting my teeth, self hate bubbling up - How could I have been so stupid! So weak!

 

“She made me feel warm and cosy, she gave me a drink, then some s-sweets. Everything seems hazy now... I answered every question she asked....I said I would make you slaves.....Dammit!”

 

I snarled standing up fast, hands running through my hair, expressionless mask dropping unwillingly.

 

“You sold out your siblings for sweets”

 

His voice was quiet, deadly quiet, and that made it a whole lot worse.

 

“So, if some nice women came up to you and gave you a sherbet lemon would you tell her anything she wanted to know, would you?”

 

“No”

 

I growled, squeezing my eyes shut.

 

“Are you sure? Because that sounded an awful lot like you would!”

 

“I’m never going to deny I didn’t betray you, I’m never going to blame someone else. But there is more to it than you know so don’t judge me on so little information, Father”

 

I spat out the last word venomously, eyes flying open to see him recoil, sitting slowly back down, when had he stood? I don’t know.

 

“Punishment?”

 

Peter asked sharply, as though the tale had just reached his ears. I swallowed, the back of my legs twinging again. I closed my eyes.

 

The whip fell down on the backs of my legs in slow motion -

 

My eyes shot open once more.

 

“Nothing that I couldn’t handle brother, so do not worry it has long since been dealt with”

 

The high king didn’t look satisfied but kept his mouth shut.

 

“Ed?” Lucy spoke quietly making me jump as I sat once more, keeping my eyes on the floor.

 

“You said everything is hazy. The stuff she gave you wasn’t just to win your trust was it?”

She spoke knowingly, I ignored it, continuing on. 

 

“S-she disappeared after giving directions to her..home. I still hadn’t realised what I’d done.”

 

Suddenly I stood up again, making them jump. In two strides I was in front of Lucy. I dropped down into a crouch in front of her. She sat forwards.

 

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. You wanted to know why Tumnus and I avoided each other - I sold him out, you had just told us about seeing him and I told Her. I’m so sorry Lu”

 

I whispered in her ear, too low for anyone else to hear. To my surprise she began to smile.

 

“It’s okay, I forgave you long ago brother mine, Tumnus spoke of the tale in the dungeons before, what She told him before he was turned to stone. I do believe, brother mine, that he forgave you, yet never had the courage to tell you too your face.”

 

She whispered back, gently kissing my cheek with a cute smile. I pulled her into a hug, pressing a kiss to her head.

 

“Ed? Lu?”

 

Susan interrupted with a raised eyebrow, eyes sparking with amusement.

 

“Sorry” we grinned sheepishly and I returned to my seat.

 

“Please continue” Mum said, no anger just a mixture of sadness and remorse at my betrayal.

 

“So I headed back to where I thought the wardrobe was and Lu appeared. She told me about Her and that she wasn’t really the queen of Narnia.”

 

Lucy giggled suddenly, I raised my eyebrow and drawled “something funny Sister mine”

 

she giggled again.

 

“The look on your face after I said that was hilarious”

 

Pete grinned “I can imagine it”

 

They were trying to lighten up the situation. I almost chuckled at that.

 

“Uh..so..um”

 

Everyone stared at me. I winced.

 

“Pete you should speak now” I quickly tried diverting their attention away as I struggled to remember.

 

“How about we have lunch now?” Digory asked glancing at the clock on the wall as it struck midday.

 

Mum and Alberta got in the zone, making sandwiches for everyone. It was the one thing both sisters enjoyed - cooking.

 

I headed upstairs, slipping out the door whilst the others where distracted.

 

I slumped down onto my bed” rubbing my temples.

 

“What’s wrong?”

 

I jumped upwards in surprise, both hands going to my waist, dropping into a defensive crouch.

 

My elder siblings raised their arms in surrender. I quickly stepped backwards and sat back down again, my heart racing. They came and sat either side of me.

 

“I need you to continue the story” I spoke abruptly into the silence that had fallen.

 

They stared at me in confusion.

 

“Lu was right earlier. The stuff she gave was something more than to gain my trust. Only Aslan knows that. I can only remember flashes.Flash - yelling at you. Flash - Snowball heading my way. Flash - beavers dam. Flash - stone statues. Everything between those flashes is hazy”

 

They looked horrified.

 

“You let everyone believe you betrayed us willingly when-“

 

Susan started. I shook my head.

 

“I did! I chose to drink and eat that stuff, I got myself into that situation!”

 

They hugged me from both sides, effectively shutting me up.

 

“When do you remember?”

 

Pete asked quietly.

 

“Tumnus. His face looked betrayed as he’s dragged out. The witch leaves. I remember everything about to go hazy again, then I threw up. Anything she put in my system came out. I could see freely. Of course when she came to collect me she gave off this strong aroma that of the same stuff as if trying to seduce me with the odour.”

 

Once again I closed my eyes, guilt overwhelming. Peter rubbed my back soothingly whilst Su placed a kiss on my head.

 

“Peter! Susan! Edmund! Lunch!”

 

Mum called making us jump.

 

“It’ll be okay”

 

Susan murmured as we headed downstairs.

 

“I hope your right”

 

I mumbled missing the exchanged looks behind my back.


End file.
